About Me

I think I understand what I think I understand. That is the extent of my understanding. I'm a fool, that's a big advantage over serious people. I know when to take my ego for a walk or to have some bites. I had to fight like hell has made me what I am.

As for "knowledge," everything I think I understand are assumptions. True "knowledge" is not intellectual, but experiential. I only know what I feel about what I am experiencing at the present moment, everything else I think I know are assumptions, whether valid, and justified, or completely erroneous.

Knowing nothing is better than knowing—what is so called and assumed to be—"everything." I just absorbing life, contemplating not just the word or the assumption of "essence" but the feeling and experience. Logic, not my favorite thing, can't prove all things, I therefore am skeptical of logic, but I use it all the time. Every time the same question is asked, I answer it differently. I get a personal kick out of that. Meaning is just word games. It gets boring after you've beaten the pinata from every possible perspective.

I am the expression of all I have absorbed, perhaps you could say. I am a mirror with the claw marks of my instinct distorting its reflection. I don't believe I'm anything more than the sum of what crawled inside my head. I hate it when people agree with anything I say, I'd rather be flamed mercilessly, but after many years of searching for the hottest fires I find myself still searching.

I change my mind when someone demonstrates an analytical error on my part, or that my understanding of relevant empirical data is flawed. The difficult bit is that it becomes progressively far harder to find someone who can do this if you've spent a lifetime changing and refining your beliefs. I'm counting on you to prove me wrong.

I get frustrated easily and I dislike simplicity; I have to make everything neat and in a right order, that's why. I always grant my interest on details. I am open minded towards new notions, and hate having a lack of data. I'm pretty elusive, outspoken, don't beat around the bush kind of person. But, I do pick my time and moments appropriately. The last thing on my mind right before falling asleep every night, I tend to unpack my day like a picnic basket and eat it up. Sometimes the selection is sweet, other times it is effing putrid. Usually some of both. I am the same person I was yesterday, but in another day, I am the same person as you, but in another body.

My individuality comes from the judgement I make on the values I am subjected to, that may make me unique or same as the system I am put into. You would love my childhood. I was always questioning. And … always getting rebuked. I just think there must be some more I can do with my brain. I am ENTJ,  but based on the literal definition, I would say I'm an introvert. My thoughts have always interested me more than the the cynical, contradictory, pseudo-reality I was forced into.

My failures give me additional ideas on how to accomplish in a better way. My failure is another lesson learned so I can do better next time. I love having the opportunity to start over and create a newer and better path where I am able to use the lessons and knowledge I've acquired. My failures are just the identification and elimination of a way that doesn't work.

Please don't ever stop playing devil's advocate on me. I like being challenged as much as I like challenging others. In essence, if you want to believe in something, that's perfectly fine with me. If you want to tell me that I should believe what you believe, you are going to have to give me a "make-sense" reason for doing so. If you can't, I'm going to reduced your ideas to ash and roll around in them until I'm feeling good and tired.

Like my underwear, my perspective changes at least once a day. That is one of the consequences of being a logic-driven human being. If you don't change your drawers, you could end up with a lot of bias in the bottom of them. Need to throw them in the wash. Keep things clean and tidy. A tidy mind is an intelligent mind, cleanliness is next to logic-li-ness.

I know, I am so morally bankrupt, that if you put me on an island for a day and I teach my message to a tribe of primitive people who never encountered civilization before and had lived there peacefully for a thousand years, then you removed me from the island and you came back six months later to see what became of the primitives after receiving lessons from me, what you would find is the bodies of all the primitive who skull-raped each other to death through each others' eye socket in an attempt to live up my grand ideal for justice, moral, and humanity. I know, I'm not a nice person. I know my words can be too honest, strictly to the point, others might considering it as rude. Trust me, I want to help my self, but sometimes I can't.

I have realized that I am a spontaneous force. And every next moment just happens like a flow I cannot control. I am not master of my own reactions and my behavior when I am one with the moment. It is kind of strange, but it leaves no pain to the heart, it leaves you waiting for the sound of waves in a very quiet sea.

When you say I am intelligent, what you really mean is you like my ability to communicate. The reason I could communicate well is because I genuinely understood what I was talking about. I've been through tough situations in my life. The difference between me and some others is that I understand what I'm telling people; I don't just say something if I don't understand it. Whereas, some people will say something, not because they want to express their ideas, but because they simply want to sound smart. These people will use certain words that they don't understand themselves in an attempt to make themselves appear smarter.

I'll tell you what; I suck at remembering things, but I keep reading, and trying to make sense of what I read. However, I did a lot of pot many years ago and killed one hell of a lot brain cells. I'll read a page out of a book, I'll have no problem understanding the concept presented, but if you were to ask me what I read just a few pages before I'll be hard pressed to tell you. But I strive on. I don't read because I'm trying to change my life or learn some kind of esoteric secrets, but because I enjoy it. And despite what I wrote, occasionally I'll vomit a little nugget of wisdom and surprise myself.

This blog is just a perspective. That is all. Humans need perspective, and reference points, to orient themselves on many levels. I'm not really a pessimist, I'm rather a realist. My desire to be myself is more fun than my need to fit in. I just want to take the world as it is. I am the most perfect me in this given point of time. There is no other me to compare myself with. I'm glad to know if some of you understands part of my little individuation system that I wrote here.