Shaming is whenever someone is either publicly or maliciously put into a position of embarrassment and ridicule. This includes public degradation of particular body types or behaviors. Example; real women have curves, fat women are ugly, a women called out for being sexually active as a slut, if men dress well they are gay, etc. Lots of people can't get over it. It consumes their entire identity of not being something that is worthy of love or attention.
Kind of a weird brand of shaming that I have experienced involves people reacting to my ideas of beauty / attractiveness. Fairly often when I talk about my own tastes people respond with "what is wrong with you?" But that doesn't really bother me.
Shaming in a nutshell: Something that somebody somewhere will find offensive and tell you how much of a dick you are. The human body in its many shapes and sizes is beautiful. It's a shame that we typically only portrays those people who fit within our arbitrary ideals of beauty in a positive light.
This is shaming because: A) It is far too generalized and ignorant. B) It ridicules the subject for the "problem" rather than compassionately attempting to fix the "problem."
Basically, your shaming of others is based entirely on bitterness and misplaced anger and rage at other people. You realize that makes you just as bad as them, right? Have you no desire to be better than the people who hurt you? Are you shaming them because you are honestly compassionate toward them and you want them to find a solution to their problem? Of course not. You are shaming them because it feels good to bully others, and because you want to punish them for daring to deviate from your standard of acceptability. And neither of those are good reasons to do anything.
Most people, regardless of their size or shape, are sent the message from the time they are a young child that they are supposed to look a certain way, and if they don't look like a Disney prince or princess, for example, they should feel ashamed and must work hard every day in an effort to minimize their "flaws" and maximize their "assets." I've never seen the culture so "appearance" driven as it is now. It's expanded greatly with internet and communication progress, I think.
Some people might actually believe that shaming is motivational, but they are wrong. To which I say, bullshit. Shaming doesn't help people change — it's especially cruel when people are obviously making an effort. Shaming is all about ridicule for the sake of "fun." Bullying, in short. Shaming is in fact more likely to inspire despair, and lead to more indulgence in destructive behavior. You are creating a victim based on your own prejudice. Let's not beat people while they're down.
Fat shaming goes a lot deeper than just school yard bullying. It's a lot of issues like XXL clothes not being stocked by mainstream clothes shops. The fact that the clothing costs more that average size clothes. Lack of representation in the media, unless it's a fat person being the butt of a joke. And doctors refusing to take larger patients seriously when they complain about conditions and acting like losing weight is a magical cure to everything.
Shame is a terrible way to motivate people. I know that people argue it's highly effective, but it's a still a terrible way to motivate people. The lesson being shamed teaches is that it's all about how other people view and measure you. Not only does that encourage physical conformity, it encourages conformity of thought. People sometimes want to think in the same box all their friends do for validation.
Being realistic, while I do not think being sightly overweight allows justification for any serious judgments on someone, I do think being obese could cause certain consequences that are inherent in being obese and not simply because of people being bigoted or intolerant or insensitive. Humans are not very good at categorizing what is a consequence of their action and when someone is simply being a dick mainly because we evolved with various types of basis that allows us to live in a world we want and perceive and not the way it is. And to put a point, what other people think does matter. As humans we are social animals that thrive on attention from others. Sometimes embarrassment and shameful feeling helps create a proper reaction because that is what it was needed. The idea that we are all individuals that have our own separate values and we can function harmoniously is simply false. We are not live in a vacuum and are influenced by other people.
Being a part of society demands some form of conformity. We are not individuals living with our own personal morals and we are all going to just get along. While I will acknowledge that shaming someone can cause serious emotional and physical harm, I do not think every situation can be tossed out as someone simply being a dick. Someone with a mental disorder is treated differently simply because of who they are. If you decide that being excessively over weight is who you want to be that is fine, but you can get upset at someone for not accepting you, not different than someone who does not want to hang around an alcoholic or drug addict. While I am not ignorant to the differences between an alcoholic and a obese person, they are both abusing something they like and if they are allowed to do so others will do it too. I am not saying someone has to be completely healthy or sober, but living in a society is a two way street and we should as a society strive to have a better improving society that wants to make healthier smarter choices.
I am sure you are fully aware of how a society functions, for the most part in your own home who cares what you do. But once you enter society you are going to be judge by those societies rules/norms. We have to understand how society is and what it should be. We do not want kids thinking they have to be skinny, but we also should not encourage obesity or overweight, or to be an alcoholic; we teach moderation. Also as individuals we do not have free will, and we do shun people for who they are, and at times it works, like alcoholics, murders, rapist, and people who cannot moderate their food. Obviously the shunning should also be equal to the crime, I am not saying we should treat obesity like a rapist or murder but for the sake of society obviously we can't have a massive amount of obese people.
See now that I'm starting sound very judgmental and incredibly preachy … on par with the extreme evangelists that preach damnation for those that do not conform to unrealistic expectations predetermined by people who invariably have no concept of anyone else needs or wants. In short bollocks to what society dictates, society does not pay your bills or raise your children nor build your home and future--the individual does. We strive to achieve all we can, and anyone that is trying to make a positive change to their lives should be encouraged and applauded, but at the end of the day it is their life … not me or yours or anyone else to dictate.
You help nobody with bullying. Because I know that being gang bashed and told every 5 minutes that I was a loser really helped my self esteem grow to a level where I had confidence to change who I am. People are going to say things about other bodies and attempt at forcing people back into pretty boxes of identity. Shame should be an emotion you feel when you realize you've been a jerk, not a position someone forces on you. Too much of measuring yourself by the standards of people can hold you back.
