Can we think of a better way to forgive someone besides saying it? I mean how do you really know if you forgive them? Because your heart feels at peace? What does feeling good about yourself have to do with forgiveness for another person?
The ability to forgive shows strength of character. It’s too easy to hold a grudge and continue to hate someone, but to forgive them, that takes real class, integrity, and strength of will. And the severity of the crime against you determines the strength of will possessed by you. Some things are a lot more difficult and take a lot more time to forgive than others. Sometimes people don’t forgive, and that’s not necessarily bad, but it’s usually beneficial for the person wronged to come to the stage where they can make peace with what happened, both externally and within themselves.
To forgive someone is to not make excuses for them, it’s to not let them defeat you, make you weak or change you as a person. It’s about having the strength to rise up above whatever happened and to overcome it, part of that process is forgiving whoever wronged you.
Apparently, I didn't get the latest memo that states forgiveness is the same as acceptance … and it is a medicine that is often self-administered, rather than for the sake of administering it for others.
Don’t forgive yourself for the next mistake you make. See how far you progress as a human being. Most people will be inclined to say that you take yourself too seriously and never give yourself room to develop because you are too rigid to forgive.
The ideal is to forgive with reason … not without it. If you do not know why you forgive, you are inclined "to set yourself up for another mistake."
Anyone who says "Forgiveness doesn't achieve anything" does not understand psychology and how important it can be to the recovery process. Forgiving, understanding, and accepting what happened is an important part of the counselling process.
And yes, when it comes to personal matters forgiving yourself is even more important than forgiving others. It’s only natural to make mistakes, everyone does, hence they shouldn't be feared, just utilized effectively so that we learn and grow from it. It can prevent us from making potentially worse mistakes in the future and teaches us something about ourselves as well.
Forgiveness is a taught behavior, conditioning the mind to believe that one will be healed. It’s brain-washing.
When we are born, uninfluenced by doctrine, forgiveness is not our natural response when someone wrongs us, our response is to counterbalance the wrong, by not rewarding the wrongdoer.
Forgiveness means you will not retaliate and forget about it. But you can’t forget, and if they hurt you a second time, you will do what you thought you forgave them for. Forgiveness is something you set on a poker table sometimes, hoping it will not happen again. I think forgiveness is can only be replaced in the brain with same scenario with the possibility of different outcome. Trust is involved in forgiveness.
Why won’t you remember the first time they hurt you?
Whether or not you chose to forget about it or give someone a second chance is entirely up to the individual, the circumstances and the factors involved. Which are far too widespread for me to even contemplate covering here. In the end though it’s on your own head and yes at times forgiving someone and providing them with another chance can be foolish and counter productive. But you don’t necessarily have to keep someone in your life by forgiving them.
Example: I had a friend I gave about three chances. Am I stupid to give them that many chances? Yes, I should have looked at the scenario rationally and seen where it was heading and prevented that person for hurting me a 2nd and 3th time. I've come to forgive that person for how I was treated and what they subjected me to and I hope they find a sense of inner peace and have a happy life one day. But there is no way I want that person back in my life, it’s not even an option.
The other person doesn't necessarily have to know you've forgiven them. A big motivator for forgiveness is to come to peace with it yourself, so it doesn't continue to torment you. Sincerely forgiving someone has been proven by years of psychological study to reduce levels of stress, pain, anxiety, and increase happiness and self esteem. And yes, people can share your pain, but in forgiving them you can often assist both people to move beyond the situation and gain a sense of closure, thus ceasing the pain for both parties.
And to use the above example again, yes I want this person to know I've forgiven them as I know they suffered also throughout all of this. And if my informing them of that fact assists them to move beyond it and ease their pain, then I would be glad it did so. Why? It’s complicated but basically for better or for worse this person once meant a great deal to me and it’s because of that that I don’t want any bad blood or animosity on either side.
Personally I stand guard of my own heart even more closely after something happens and ensure I learn from my experiences to further protect myself in the future. It doesn't mean that I have to resent someone for the rest of my life to protect myself.
Forgiveness is a requirement for there to be any reason for anyone to ever improve. The way I see it forgiveness should be easy to come by, but also come with … uhh … my grasp of the English fails me. I think the correct word would be "an imposition." (?)
Forgiveness doesn't set you free, it sets you up. Because forgiveness is an excuse to reward bad behavior. We often say "Forgiven, but not forgotten." To hold on to grudges usually punish the person who hold on to the resentment rather than the object of it. Forgiveness should come cheap, and be easy to maintain … but if you have abused a privilege, you have lost it.
You never truly forgive a betrayal. If an event occurs once, it can and will happen again at some point and you’ll subconsciously expect it. It is so easy to believe that the victim is the one left scarred, and the culprit is the one who walks away unscathed. However, it is sometimes also the other way around. It is a personal battle for all. Similar to how people react in general, one can say a very mean words, but really it is a reflection of something that they are unhappy with about themselves. Someone once told me to not take everything so personal. I am still working on it. A light heart is not the easiest thing to achieve this day in age. The irony is that both culprit and victim have experienced hurt and loss, and are both equally seeking unconditional love.
In one sense, I wouldn't understand why someone would so badly want my forgiveness in order to make themselves feel better if they could just bilaterally work with me and in their own time work out their mistakes and do something about it. Forgiveness is something that should occur to someone because they really want to, from their intentions and willingly so. This is mostly those circumstances where something can’t easily be forgotten but some parts still need to work on. You never truly forgive a betrayal. If an event occurs once, statistically, it can and will happen again at some point and you’ll subconsciously expect it. Forgiving someone is essential to one’s mental health. Trusting that person again would be like giving them an extra bullet in case they missed you in the first time.
Its a very basic and very important life skill - to know who you can trust. The simplest way is to go by previous experience. Someone who’s betrayed you in the past, is most likely to do it again. Someone you have never met before may or may not. There is also pattern recognition. A scheme used by one person to betray us will be recognized when used by another giving us the chance to escape in time. Sometimes it takes several times and a lot of suffering before the pattern is recognized, but when the lesson is learned it stays.
Sometimes forgiveness is an act of self preservation. Depending on the significance of the betrayal and the emotional suffering caused. Forgiveness always some to move forward, if one considers forgiveness to be acceptance, not approval. And that’s what causes Stockholm Syndrome.